I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
