She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
