Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
