So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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