she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
