I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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