I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
