whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
