I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
