You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
