Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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