The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize