The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.