I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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