Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
