I hate your face
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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