Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
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His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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