If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
