I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
