Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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