Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
