just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
