she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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