I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
