so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
