Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
