Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
