Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
