FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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