he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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