Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
