But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
