there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she told me i tasted like america
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra