so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse