Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.

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(912): View more from Georgia

I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong

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(858): View more from California

I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...

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(909): View more from California

I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(704): View more from North Carolina

Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.

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(917): View more from New York City

Anderson Cooper just came out.

(212): View more from New York

Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.

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(817): View more from Texas

I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.

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