the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
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When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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