I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
