is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?