what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.