omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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