I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
