So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
