Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
this hospital has no fireball
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
