I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
