Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
