guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
