So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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