why didn't you poke me back
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She told me I should be a condom model.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
