Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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