I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
