there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
