now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
