If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
