you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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