There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My feet surprised me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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