they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
