I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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