went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
