I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
