I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
