I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
