OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
