I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
