sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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