We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
