SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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