Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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