I wannas sexs uuuuu
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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