I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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