We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
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And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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