so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
