If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
