The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
