I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
