Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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