Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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