sarcasm needs its own font
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
