we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
